I have to give some personal background to the rationale of this article. I wanted to apologize, but I won’t as the sharing of true stories help us to develop and understand ourselves.
My mind flashes back to December 2016. I had set so many things up to make sure 2017 started off as I wanted it to. My website was completed, a plan of action was written and I, AprilsDawn, had tried hard to rid myself of negative and toxic energy like all the other individuals looking for the New Year to be different.
I had already decided that I was going to take action. My life had to change. The plan was to hand in my notice, get some temp work and grow my business. I was also going to dedicate time to my sons and extended family.
January 4 2017: I sit at my desk at 9am. An hour later, I’m in my manager’s office and hand her the letter.
“It is with great regret that I have to resign from my position” I said.
I continue with “the reasons are that I cannot work in an environment that is draining me of my life and offers no development or prospects. Secondly, I have to collect my sister from Dallas, bring her home and help look after her.”
My manager looked understanding and responded: “do you have a job to go to?” I replied “no” and when asked how I intended to survive, I said “I have faith in God and in myself.”
I felt liberated. I had followed through with my plan. This was to be a new beginning, doing what I wanted and taking control of my destiny. However, the dream was short-lived. My sister died the next day – 5th January 2017 and I did not achieve the rest of my New Year Plan in 2017.
After everything I have said, I can honestly believe I have grown as a person more this year than ever. Death can be dark and sad but it can also be enlightening and optimistic. During those bleak early days of the loss of Luisa, perspective came very quickly. The job I had held on to for years to ‘get by’ was no longer important and the fact I had walked away from it just before was a bonus to my resolve. Also, where I thought my heart was broken through the breakdown of my marriage, nothing actually prepared me for this loss, a true broken heart.
In all of this, 2017 has been the Set-Up Year instead of The Year!
I Felt The Fear and Did It Anyway.
I understood the meaning of True Love.
I got a job in an environment where I could pray freely and be silent if needed.
I was still being of service to others without being drained of my self-worth.
I no longer questioned myself and my ability.
I stopped running from my greatness and stepped up my game
Faith and self-belief is all I had, in addition to precious memories helping to keep the light on in such dark times in moments of indecision where depression and self-abuse would take control. Now, I’m at the end of another year and I’m calling 2017 ‘The Year of the Set Up’ and my aim is to continue the work started.
The moral of this post is this: New Year’s Resolutions are great and it’s good to have a plan. Still, sometimes the plan may not work out as the vision created because we don’t always get our Disney ending but we make do with what we have and grab hold of the silver lining, even if it’s a small one.
Happy New Year
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